The Girl in the Polka Dot Bikini

To the girl in the polka dot bikini...

I know it's really hot outside. The streets of New York City are absolutely brutal. But, sweetie, it DOES NOT give you the right to wear that top. It's merely a bikini! Are you trying to masquerade it as a top? And if so, something fashionable? I would hope not. For the colors were all wrong. A dark blood red with bright green trim and what appeared to be blue polka dots. How could you? Your stomach was hanging over your jean shorts (too short if you ask me) and its jiggling is what initially caught my eye. Not your tanned skin. Not your boobs on display for all of 7th Avenue (not very impressive either, b-cups at most). Your jolly, jiggling belly.

I know it's really hot outside. One might think it would be a welcome sight on the streets of New York. A girl in a bikini. Miles from any beach. A girl in a bikini, to remind you of those summer days down the shore. A vacation in your mind from the sweltering heat as you head to the train or back to the office. A brief imagining of crashing waves, seashells, sunscreen. But with you the image is ruined because you look like a beached whale. Who wants to see a beached whale on a day trip to the shore? It's sad. And whales are too heavy to just pick up and throw back in the ocean. So the day is ruined. Thanks.

I know it's really hot outside. But if I see you tomorrow wearing that tiny bikini top or something similar, I won't just take a picture and upload it so I can draw funny sayings and pictures on it. I will let you know it's not okay. You are ruining people's days!!! It's not fair. You almost ruined mine. But blogging about is releasing all the pent up disgust and anger at seeing your flab.

If your hot friend you were with wants to show up wearing only bikini briefs though, I guess that would be just fine. I may not even notice you...?...Now I don't have anything against overweight or not-so-in-shape girls (or guys) in bikinis. But your on one of the busiest streets in NYC!!! A little decency needs to be displayed. Cover it up. Please.